


Junk Ideas

by chasingkerouac



Category: Glee
Genre: AnderBros, Brotherly Bonding, Crack, Dancing, Gen, M/M, Stripping, but in a ridiculous way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 13:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12433533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingkerouac/pseuds/chasingkerouac
Summary: Sam gives Cooper stripping lessons, much to the delight of Kurt and Elliott, and the horror of Blaine.





	Junk Ideas

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [gif set](http://ckerouac.tumblr.com/post/87921979214/moonchild30-well-we-got-you-something-i-dont) of Matt Bomer on Ellen.

He’d only been gone thirty minutes.

Apparently thirty minutes was all that was needed for everything to go straight to  _weird_.

Blaine stood, wide eyed and slack jawed, in the doorway to the apartment he shared with Kurt.  He’d gone out to get dinner, leaving Kurt and Elliott chatting about ideas for a new band, and Cooper regaling Sam with stories about acting gigs he’d gotten in LA and suggestions for Sam’s burgeoning modeling career.  Everything was  _normal_. 

Thirty minutes later, and Sam and Cooper were in nothing but boxer briefs, dry humping the air, with Kurt and Elliott on the couch watching them intently.

 ***

“No, man, you gotta get the hip action quick enough that your junk doesn’t bounce towards your leg,” Sam said as he shimmied his body into a smooth body roll. 

Oh,  _god_  those were stripper moves, weren’t they?  Blaine usually forgot that Sam spent time as a stripper until he was reminded with Halo and Mario Kart victory dances, but these were ‘I’m going to hump a pole while horny women slip dollar bills into my g-string’ moves. 

“Yeah, but do you think my character would  _want_  for his junk to move?” Cooper asked seriously as he matched Sam body roll for body roll.  “Cause that way your eyes really go towards the dick.  I mean, if I’m going to play a stripper, you’d think it would be the most important part.”

“Not for women,” Sam instructed.  He leaned down to place his hands on the coffee table in front of Kurt and Elliott, his back arched and his hips thrusting towards the table.  “It’s the idea of your junk, not your junk itself, that gets the ladies going.  Junk ideas.”

“Junk ideas,” Cooper agreed, matching Sam’s moves as Kurt groaned softly and Elliott bit the back of his hand. 

“Why the  _fuck_  are you dry humping the coffee table?” Blaine snapped. 

Sam and Cooper didn’t stop their hips, but both glanced over their shoulders and grinned.  “Hey, you got Blainey to swear!” Cooper laughed.  “Look at you, all grown up.  Talking like a man now.”

“That doesn’t answer the question, Cooper!” Blaine insisted.  “I let you stay here because you were only going to be in town a few days for an audition.  I didn’t know you were going to dry hump the coffee table in front of my fiancé!”  He dropped the food he’d brought back with him on the kitchen table in a huff, and glared at Kurt, who didn’t look nearly contrite enough for the scene that was going on.

“I don’t mind,” Elliott said before Kurt could shove his elbow in Elliott’s side.  “Hey, I’m not the one getting married!” he insisted, glaring at Kurt.  “I can look.”

“They just started doing it, sweetie, I had no idea they were going to strip down,” Kurt said, even as his eyes refused to move from the scene before him.

“Sam was giving me pointers,” Cooper explained.  He stepped up onto the coffee table and started thrusting in Elliott’s general direction.  “My audition is for a stripper road trip movie.  My agent thinks I have the ass and the abs for it, and let’s face it, if there’s anything that belongs on screen, it’s an Anderson ass.  Isn’t that right, Kurt?”

Kurt just groaned as he watched.

“So I was showing him my moves,” Sam said.  “Gotta get some use out of my skills, right?”

“No one wants your junk shoved in their face, Cooper,” Blaine tried again.

“Speak for yourself,” Elliott mumbled. 

Sam crossed the apartment and grabbed Blaine’s hand.  “Hey, you should join us!” he said.  “You’ve got the bouncy Anderson ass.  I’ve seen you dance.  You’ve got moves.”

“I am not doing stripper moves for you and my brother in my –“

“HE’LL DO IT,” Kurt said forcefully, his eyes glazing over at the suggestion.  “Now, do it, right now, get in on this.”

“Kurt!” Blaine gasped.  “I thought… you know… us…”

“Take it off!” Elliott cheered.

“Take it off!  Take it off!” Cooper and Sam chanted, clapping with the beat.

It wasn’t fair.  He shouldn’t be ganged up on in his own apartment, and Kurt shouldn’t be leading the charge.  He’d gotten over most of his body insecurities, but he still didn’t look like Sam ‘I used to be a stripper’ Evans and Cooper ‘I look like a fucking Disney prince’ Anderson. 

Fine, if Kurt wanted this, he’d do this.

“You all are terrible,” Blaine grumbled as he pulled his shirt up and over his head to the whoops and hollers of the peanut gallery.  He turned to bend over at the waist, sliding his pants down over his ass in Kurt’s general direction – and was met with a very satisfying sounding moan from his fiancé. 

“Are those… are those birds on your boxers?” asked Elliott.

Blaine looked down.  He’d bought them as a joke, something to get a smile out of Kurt.  The boxer briefs showed off his ass and his thighs, and the little bluebirds on them made him smile.  'Bluebirds of happiness for his balls’ was the way he was going to show them off to Kurt tonight.  “Yeah, bluebirds.”

Kurt’s eyes glazed over again.  “You have birds on your dick?” he mumbled.  Blaine just grinned and nodded.

Before Blaine realized it, Kurt was up off the couch and dragging him back to their room.  “Practice without me, I think I’m busy now!” he called back as Kurt threw the curtain shut.

Sam waited a beat before shrugging.  “Pretty sure we won’t see them for a while,” he mumbled before turning back to Cooper.  “So, want to practice lap dances?”

“Fuck  _yes_ ,” Elliott replied, moving to the middle of the couch and grinning expectantly at the two men.  “You know… in the name of research.“


End file.
